_ This Mom-ism was almost as regular as her apple pies. I loved my Mom’s apple pies; all that cinnamon and crust made with lard! And I have another memory of her: when she would admonish my sister and me the moment we would start talking unkindly about a neighbor or schoolmate. “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all!” That would always shut us up fast. It’s too bad she couldn’t have been on my last business trip – maybe she could have put stop to all the trashing and bashing that was taking place.

I began to notice it while working out in the hotel gym. A woman next to me was high-stepping on an elliptical machine and at the same time trashing and bashing her colleagues to someone on her cell phone. At first I was annoyed at the incessant talking – then I began to notice the tone and content. “She’s nothing but trouble. I’m so tired of her expressing her opinions.” After 30 minutes of this continuous trashing I wanted to start singing “Jingle Bells” as loudly as I could in hopes that she would get the point and quit her conversation. After 40 minutes, I simply gave up and left. Had my Mom been there, she would have put her hand up, motioned to the women to stop, and reminded her, “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all.”

The next morning while waiting for my 6 am flight I was sitting a few seats away from two copy machine salesmen who were trashing and bashing a customer for wanting too much information and not being able to make up his mind. I could not wait to get on the plane and escape this early morning negative stuff. I’m addicted to caffeine in the morning, but these guys seemed to need a good dose of negativity to get them going.

At that point I thought I had escaped the negative white noise. After being upgraded to first class I had visions of reading for a few moments and then retreating into my introverted space until I arrived at my next stop. That bubble burst when two gentlemen behind me felt the need to discuss their perfections and the imperfections and inferiority of their boss and company. I couldn’t help but wonder where my Mom was then.

I won’t continue this saga, but I will let you know that it followed me all the way home, which caused me to reflect. Am I this negative and just don’t notice it? Do I live by Mom’s words? Why do we dwell and focus on negativity, weaknesses and mistakes? Are we even conscious of this focus or has it simply become human nature? And there was one more question that really bothered me: have we lost all boundaries of what should be public and private discourse as well as a sense of place and time for these discussions? Has reality TV, YouTube and social networking so blurred the lines of what is personal and professional and private and public that we now accept and treat public space as a stage on which to share how much better we are than all those other people with whom we live and work?

It occurred to me that American businesses must be suffering through a crisis of incompetence. If all the people being bashed are as inept as their antagonists claimed, our economy is surely in for another shock.

I sensed that the people who were trashing and bashing got a boost of self-esteem from it yet were oblivious to the implications their behavior made about their own character and trustworthiness. Maybe the need to belong is so overwhelming these days that most of us would rather make disparaging remarks about others than take a stand and be heroic and positive. Frankly, we see this in bullying. In most bullying situations you have a “bully,” a victim, and the bully’s cohorts who stand by allowing the trashing and bashing but not actively participating, giving the perception of passive support.  The fear of being ostracized has seemingly replaced our primal fear of Saber Tooth Tigers out looking to make a snack of us. 

A common theme that ran through all of the conversations was self-interest and self-promotion. Had the salesmen taken the time to understand why their client was reluctant to buy their product, they might have had a more fruitful and hopeful meeting. If the woman on the elliptical trainer could step out of her fear of not belonging and frame the other woman’s behavior as being concerned, curious and wanting clarity, she might have an appreciation for her rather than an annoyance with her. And if the two perfect beings unable to find one positive trait in their boss and organization could reflect on the fact that both were selected and still employed by these inferior beings, they might, just might, find a way to be thankful and contribute to finding solutions to their complaints. 

One reason for these actions, based on human behavior and biology, jumps out at me: stress. There’s little doubt that the past decade has been stressful and the current economic and political climate continues to foment increasing high levels of stress and create we vs. they worldviews. By allowing ourselves to be overwhelmed with this stress, our natural focus is on survival. We may even picture ourselves on a metaphorical Survivor Island, so we plot, connive, lie, and trash and bash our way to being the survivor. What we lose in the process is exactly what we want and need: respect, belongingness, self-worth, and a network of friends and colleagues willing to stand by us and offer assistance. 

The answer to putting a stop to and reversing this destructive behavior could be as simple as my Mom says: “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all.” I don’t mean to make light of this, because it does concern me and it should concern you for no other reason than the realization that the probability that someone is at this moment trashing and bashing you and your organization is greater than you think.

Trashing and bashing behavior is a cancer for teams and organizational performance and although our reptile brain says, “Attach or be eaten,” our chances for survival are actually increased by our ability and willingness to care for one other.

There are tools and concepts to help individuals and organizations learn how to stop and reverse this negative approach that is taking over and begin to reap the benefits of caring, focusing on strengths and transforming perceived weaknesses and problems into solutions:

• Positive Psychology
• Emotional Intelligence
• Resiliency
• Appreciative inquiry
• Authentic and Generative Leadership
• Generative Foundations of Actions in Organizations and the
• Strengths based work of Marcus Buckingham and others

The films, Seeing Red Cars by Laura Goodrich and Celebrate What’s Right with the World by Dewitt Jones, show us the power of a worldview that is optimistic, positive, appreciative, and strengths-based can have on individuals and organizations.

To break the habit of trashing and bashing is hard work. The easy path is to find fault and focus on weaknesses instead of courageously finding the strengths in people and the opportunity and potential in difficult situations. It’s easy to jump on the negative bandwagon. But be careful – from what I see, it is already full. Take a different path and resist veering off into the negative – take a few moments and ask yourself, “Is this what I want and how I want to be seen and remembered?” Could you rest in peace with an epitaph that read, “Always ready with a disparaging word and never missed an opportunity to trash and bash even his best friends”?

None of us want to be seen or remembered for this destructive and bullying behavior. And it’s time for us to make a commitment to not participate in it actively of passively in either our personal or professional lives. There are many options that we can employ and they all begin with a decision to take a stand. In the end, you will appreciate yourself more for it and find that you have less stress and that people will enjoy and benefit from having a relationship with you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
One of my favorite sections of the New York Times Sunday edition is called the, Corner Office.  Each week they interview a business leader to share their insights on leadership. This particular interview started with the following question, “Do you have the equivalent of a first day speech you use in new jobs?” The leader concluded her response with, “My door is always open.” 

When I hear this, I can’t help but think of Ronald Reagan’s famous line, in a 1980 debate with Jimmy Carter, “Governor, there you go again.” How many times have you heard an executive proclaim, “My door is always open”? This declaration of openness must be one of the 10 commandments they teach in leadership school,  Thou shall have an open door policy. But what they fail to mention is just how poorly it works and what an unfair burden it places on employees.

I must admit I have used this slogan a number of times; maybe you have also. What I want to know is, has it ever actually prompted you to walk up to the boss’s office and wait for the door to open so you can share your deepest concerns with the boss about how the company is killing your motivation and that of your co-workers?  My guess is no. Personally, I can only remember two occasions when a employee even asked for an appointment to meet with me, never mind just showing up at my office door.

Why? Because employees do not  trust and believe in stereotypical “I want to know what’s on your mind” leader-jargon. While this is not to say some leaders are not sincere in wanting to have meaningful conversations with their employees and believe that it is important to do so, it is important they not delude themselves into thinking an “open door policy” is the way to achieve this objective.

The reality is that the road from the shop floor to the boss’s office is a gauntlet of pot holes, U-turns, Stop signs, and a host of scowling people with fingers pointing at employees to turn back. Most doors are figuratively and literally closed no matter how often a leader proclaims, “My door is always open.”  As Daniel Goleman in his book Primal Leadership, states, “It may take a small act of courage to confront the boss with bad news about the company, but you have to be even braver to let the boss know he’s out of touch with how people are feeling, or that his ‘inspiring’ talks fall flat.” 

It’s Not Their Job – It’s Yours

It’s not their job to come to you – it’s your job to go to your employees. It not about open doors; it’s about open walls. If leaders need a metaphor, it’s an “office without walls,” and you create this by going down on the shop floor and making yourself available to your employees. Take time to sit in their “office” and just maybe they will start to believe and trust that you really do want to know what’s on their mind.

I can’t say it any better than Frank Sinatra, “Wake up to reality”, a lyric from one of my favorite songs, I’ve Got You Under My Skin. Study after study and survey upon survey confirms that over 60% of employees are disengaged. This means they are not committed to giving their best. To put it bluntly, you are paying them and not getting a fair return on your investment. However, if you are still hardwired to believe that people’s primary motivation to work is only for money, then I want to say, “Wake up to reality.” Consider this statement from an extensive Global Workforce Engagement Survey:

“Employees must trust in your ability and character -- and understand your personal motivation. You won’t be able to match individual passion and proficiencies with organizational priorities if you don’t talk with your people. Get to know them. Understand not only their special talents but also their unique engagement drivers.”

You cannot get to know your employees and they will not understand you nor trust your character and motivation by proclaiming, “I have an open door policy.”  The reason is simple; they will not show up. If, as Goleman states, it takes bravery and courage to give a leader feedback, it takes even more courage to do it in his or her office.

It takes courage for a leader to actively expose themselves on the battlefields of their organization, but that is exactly what employees expect of leaders; to model bravery.   Leaders must lead by example. If you truly want employees to have confidence in you and you believe that their work experience is a critical factor in the productivity and success of your organization, consider these recommendations:

•   Start the New Year by closing your office door as you walk out to engage your employees. Let them know that you are building an office without walls in attitude and actions. Schedule regular “open office visits on their turf” as well as spontaneous visits to your employees’ “offices”.
•   Don’t preach the corporate gospel – Listen, Listen and Listen. Here are a couple of questions to get the conversation started:
•     If I were able to change two things in the way I work with you, what two things would create the most value and benefit for you?
• ·    If I could change or remove something that interferes or prevents you from performing at your best, what two things would be the most important to you?
•   Don’t make excuses or false promises and don’t feel that you need to have an answer. What they want most is for you to listen, understand and reflect, and to take action that is in the best interest of both the company and your employees.
•   Engage your managers and supervisors in the process. They are the ones who must model the  “office without walls” attitude and actions every day. You might want to start with your managers first and schedule a few individual and group meetings, remembering that they might be just as reluctant to give you the unvarnished feedback you need.
• Keep everyone informed. Make sure you create a feedback loop so that employees and managers are kept abreast of all decisions, actions and commitments. If something can’t be accomplished, explain the reasons why. Your employees may not like the decision, but they will develop respect for you, which in time will help to build the kind of trust you are want and need. 

  An Office Without Walls: The following is an except from an article,
The Best Advice I Ever Got, by Michelle Peluso, President and CEO of Travelocity, that appeared in the, Harvard Business Review, October 2008 issue. I think it describes the spirit as well as the examples of what I refer to as An Office Without Walls:
"At a 5,000-person global organization, I simply can't know everyone personally. But I can apply my dad's techniques in a scaled-up way that lets me know as many people as possible, that encourages managers to do the same, and that makes our employees generally feel that this is a place where someone's looking out for them. I often visit our different offices; I hold brown-bag lunches every week; I regularly e-mail the whole staff about what's going well and what needs to improve; I hold quarterly talent management sessions with my direct reports; and I constantly walk the halls. When anyone at Travelocity e-mails me, I respond within 24 hours. I read every single word of our annual employee survey results and of my managers' 360-degree performance feedback - and I rate those managers in large part on how well they know and lead their own people."
 

 

 

 

 Partners in Safety

Ever since the industrial revolution there has been a consistent history of workplace accidents and injuries. Recently there have been tragic and catastrophic accidents within the mining and oil industries, which have cost billions and the loss of many lives. Although there have been significant improvements in workplace safety brought about by regulation, the technology, improved processes and organizational commitment needed to improve worker safety, accidents and injuries remains a significant problem and business risk.

Still, no amount of regulations, oversight, education and organizational commitment will eliminate workplace accidents and injuries. To believe so is misguided.

As long as a human being is directly or indirectly involved in a work process, there will be accidents and injuries. However, this does not have to be an unpredictable, mysterious or acceptable reality of doing business. Beliefs about human motivation – and the workplace models and approaches that have been used since Henry Ford produced the first model T – do not address the human factor, nor do they improve how people perform.  The reasons are clear and are backed by extensive research. Theory X and the “carrots and sticks” and reward and punishment approaches may produce short-term improvements, but in the long term they stifle motivation and engagement and contribute to people making unwise decisions.

The question must be asked, “Why, when the personal and organizational stakes are so high, do we choose to rely on motivational approaches and systems that produce minimum levels of compliance and contribute to worker disinterest and defiance?   

The Partners In Safety Program is a solution. It is based on models of change and motivation that have been validated by years of research and demonstrated effectiveness in creating and sustaining organizational cultures that motivate and engage employees in achieving and exceeding organizational goals; safety being priority one.
Down load the entire overview under our Free Downloads tab:

How much is a gallon of milk at your favorite grocery store? How much is a pound of butter? I’m going to assume that most of you don’t know the exact price.  My confidence is based on research by Eldar Shafir of Princeton University and Sendhi Mullainathan of Harvard University. Shafir and Mullainathan are studying the effects of scarcity – in this case, it would be scarcity of money – on decision-making and how it can create its own psychology and set of cognitive traits.

Most of you likely don’t know the answers to my initial questions because you don’t have to. You are not faced with the necessity of scrutinizing small daily purchases. As David Brooks reported in his article, The Unexamined Society, which highlighted Mullainathan and Shafir’s research, “People with limited financial resources have to think hard about a million things that affluent people don’t.” These daily life decisions, imposed by financial scarcity, place increased demands on one’s cognitive and emotional resources.

Shafir and Mullainathan also found that scarcity negatively impacts IQ scores and attention span. The study measured farmers pre- and post-harvest and noticed that pre-harvest they possessed a scarcity mindset, which reduced their performance on tests, attention span and their ability to maintain a future orientation. This is understandable. Not knowing if your crop will yield the results you expect, one must be judicious in how resources are used. Once the harvest is in and it meets expectations, farmers are no longer burdened with thoughts of scarcity. And in Shafir and Mullainathan’s study, once the scarcity mind-set was lifted the farmers’ test performance and attention spans improved, as well as their ability to think and plan for the future.

Shafir and Mullainathan’s work led me to reflect on the psychological, emotional, physical and behavioral effects that scarcity has on employees and organizations. We’ve all felt and experienced the effects of scarcity. Scarcity of time, resources to complete a project, money, and even calories all impact our ability and capacity to perform at our best. Gallup reports that one of the top issues that fosters disengagement with employees is not having the right and or needed resources to do their job.

There is another scarcity that I am convinced is as impactful as any other and is implicated in every reason reported by employees as causes for disengagement with their jobs, managers and/or organizations. I call it Recognition Scarcity. 

Before we look at what recognition scarcity is, I want to present a broader perspective that is directly linked to this concept. Workforce engagement is a relatively new way of assessing the level of vigor, dedication, absorption (the ability to fully concentrate) and productivity of an organization’s workforce, which has emerged as a critical driver of business resiliency and success.

National and global surveys of employee engagement provide what is akin to an x-ray of an organization’s workforce. What we are finding is that within organizations the levels of workforce disengagement are severely impacting the organizations’ ability to retain and recruit talented human capital, creativity, productivity and resiliency. The enormity of the problem is estimated to be 350 billion dollars a year in lost productivity, accidents and turnover!

Disengagement Surveys

BlessingWhite 2011 Employee Engagement Report
67% of employees are disengaged (North America)

Gallup 2008 Study
54% of employees are disengaged (North America)

Towers Perrin Global Workforce Study 2008
66% of employees are disengaged (Global)

If these surveys aren’t enough to persuade leaders of the internal malady that is affecting their ability to be efficient and productive, a recent survey by the consulting company Mercer found that half of this nation’s workforce is unhappy, and a third of the employees are so miserable that they are seriously considering leaving their jobs. 

The job and talent market is tough and probably going to get tougher. Companies cannot become or remain competitive, attractive and successful if they don’t retain their talented and committed employees and convert as many of the disengaged as possible.  It makes great business sense to invest in workforce engagement strategies; your organization’s financial performance could improve along with your employee’s performance. Towers Perrin claims that for every 15% increase in engagement there is a 2% improvement in operating margin.  

It doesn’t matter what level or position you are on the organizational totem pole; ultimately you’ve seen and felt the effects and consequences of disengagement and recognition scarcity – a continuous lack of appreciation, respect and/or gratitude shown by management for an employee’s hard work. Recognition scarcity has many symptoms, but primarily it weakens the vitality, dedication and absorption employees have in their work, their team and/or their organization.  

One of my coaching clients described his experience and perception of his boss’s management style as the mushroom style of management: “He keeps me in the dark and keeps tossing in more and more manure on me. I’ve never heard a thank-you or a hint of recognition for all the work I do and the additional work he keeps putting on my plate.” My client was suffering from recognition scarcity. His vitality, dedication and ability to focus on his work was diminishing rapidly.  Mushrooms thrive in this type of environment, but humans don’t; in fact, they wither.

Humans have fundamental needs for social acceptance, increased self-esteem and self-actualization. The more they authentically experience these needs and feelings, the more their vitality increases, allowing them to better focus on their work – which only benefits their organization.

One of the most severe tortures a human can experience is to be deprived of human interaction. Studies have shown that this type of deprivation can cause physical, emotional and psychological problems in all mammals. Tom Hanks in the movie Cast Away gives one an empathetic experience of isolation and desperation when, while deserted on an island, he befriends a soccer ball he names Wilson. There is a wrenching scene in which Hanks and Wilson become separated at sea

Although torture and Hanks’ film are extreme examples of the effect of isolation, how one perceives their situation is what is critical. My client felt confused, angry and disillusioned, which was taking a toll on his work and his self-esteem. He said in one session, “I’ve got to get out of this situation before I go crazy.”

In their book, Winning with a Culture of Recognition, Eric Mosley and Derek Irvine refer to recognition as psychic income, which they additionally point out is more affordable, flexible and immediate than the traditional “carrot and stick” motivators of salary, benefits and awards. 

In his book, Carrots and Sticks Don’t Work, Paul Marciano says, “The most important job of a leader is to increase the value of the company’s human resources. Recognizing employees increases their discretionary effort and, in turn, increases the human capitol of the organization.”

I think the message and case are compelling; recognition scarcity is a virus that sucks the vitality, dedication and psychological capacity for employees to be creative and absorbed in performing their work to the best of their ability. Eldar Shafir and Sendhi Mullainathan’s research indicates that a scarcity mindset reduces mental capacity, performance capacity and attention span. When recognition is scarce – or worse yet non-existent – in teams and organizations, you can expect overall workforce engagement to decrease, which increases your organizational susceptibility and vulnerability to effects of the fast-paced, demanding and competitive business environment we all live in.

There is another positive benefit to recognition beyond its critical role in building employee engagement. The mood and climate today is pessimistic, polarized and cynical, therefore it is easy as a manager to become a victim of recognition scarcity when it is difficult to find anything positive worth recognizing – but by practicing the Recognition Strengthening exercises below you can bring balance and vitality into your life as well as those closest to you, in or out of work. There is a reciprocal ROI to recognition. It’s not just for them; it’s a gift for you also.

Strengthening Your Recognition Muscle

·      Everyday think of 3 people or things you are grateful for or appreciate and write them down. As you think and write you will feel an increase in vitality.

·      Write one personal note a week to someone thanking him or her for a contribution they made to your team or organization.

·      Recognize effort as well as outcome and give recognition for it as well as a job well done.

·      Practice giving feedback that is balanced by providing what you liked with what needs to be improved.

·      At every team meeting be conscious of what each member contributes to the agenda and the process of the meeting, and as soon as possible after the meeting make a point to touch base individually with him or her to let them know what it is they contributed.

You can prevent  Recognition Scarcity from incapacitating your team and organization and start building your recognition muscle and culture of engagement with the Creating High-Performing Relationships the EQ Way program. See the Events section for the next program
© The Renewal Group 2011, All Rights Reserved

I recently reviewed a case study of a project of which I was a member of the development and delivery team. The project was designed for the US Navy Chaplain Corps at a time when they where in the midst of transformation, it was titled, Accelerating Change With Emotional Intelligence.   What I didn't realize was that this project would have as much an affect on me as it did on our participants.

In 1969 I graduated from college and within a few days received notification that I was required to report for my induction physical. The Vietnam War was still raging and every night the news was filled with body counts from both sides; it was a frightening and tumultuous time both for our country and for me.

I was recently married and fortunate enough to have been accepted into grad school that Fall, but our country needed more and more bodies to fight the war and deferments had run out for me.  

Reporting for my physical, I boarded a bus in my hometown with about 30 other guys; a few were acquaintances from high school.  We traveled a few hours to the induction site. The bus was very quiet; not much talk at all. Everyone was somber and seemed to be contemplating their future. Where will I be a month from now? we all wondered. We were commanded to get of the bus and line up. There had to be more than 300 boys, all there for the same reason. Guys in uniform were yelling and pushing us from one station to another. Much of the examination took place in large rooms. It was my first taste of military life.

Under my arm I carried a large brown manila envelope that contained x-rays from three knee surgeries I had during my senior year of high school and first year of college, a result of playing football. Except for my knees I was in perfect health.  Although my knees eventually forced me to quit playing football in college, I was still able to run and be athletic. I thought surgeries might disqualify me, but in 1969 the rumors were that only being disabled would keep you from passing.

As I was standing in line I was approached by an aggressive man in uniform who yelled, “What’s in that envelope, boy!” Before I could answer he grabbed it out of my hand and left without a word. I wanted to protest, but it was obvious this was not the time or place to protest or put up a fuss; it could only lead to something I wasn’t ready to handle. My orders were simple and didn’t need to be verbalized: keep my mouth shut, follow the person in front of me and stay on the yellow line. Stop whenever I’m told and do whatever I’m commanded to do.

At some point later in the day I was pulled out of line and told to report to an office at the far end of the room. I knocked on the door and a voice commanded me to come in. The person behind the desk said, “Sit down.” He asked me to identify myself and then told me to drop my pants! As I was unbuckling I noticed he had my x-rays on the desk. He then asked me to stand up on a stool, and as I did he looked at the surgical scars on both my knees. “Get down and pull your pants up. You’re through.” He put the x-rays back in the envelope and told me I was unfit for duty and to report to my station and wait for my bus to leave.

I sat very still for about another hour before the contingent from my hometown finished the process. We boarded and headed home. About 30 minutes later it started to sink in. I wasn’t going to be drafted and in a few months I’d be attending classes instead of learning to survive in the jungle. I wanted to laugh and stand up and yell with relief, but didn’t because surely no one else on that bus was feeling as joyful. In fact, that ride home was one of the most difficult ninety minutes I have ever experienced in my life. It was obvious that I was the only person on that bus who knew what his fate would be. Everyone else was once again in deep contemplation. There were occasional laughs and remarks – “Can you believe what just happened?” “I’ve never been through anything like that in my life.” “Did you see that guy crying in the corner?” As soon as these words would leave someone’s lips, most knew more days like this waited ahead.

The war came to an end a few years later. I graduated from grad school and took my first job; I was on my career path. Over the years I noticed that I would experience a sense of guilt and remorse about not being part of the war. I felt like I didn’t do my duty. I had escaped; I chickened out. I had hid while others took my place.

In the mid-80s I moved to the Washington DC area and after work one evening I decided to visit the Vietnam War Memorial. I had heard so much about it – how it was a healing place for many. But for me it only deepened my sense of guilt about not having fulfilled my duty. I never let anyone in on these feelings and thoughts. They didn’t haunt me over the years, but they would certainly visit. And although I knew it hadn’t been my decision not to serve, that didn’t stop the guilt from returning.

In 2003 I had the good fortune to work with 6 Seconds on a project for the US Navy and Marine Chaplains Corp. It was to develop a program to equip chaplains with the tools to be effective change agents. They are key influencers and resources to captains, commanders and the men and women who look to them for solace, guidance and forgiveness at sea and in battle.

For over a year I worked with chaplains from Norfolk, VA to Okinawa, Japan. At first I didn’t realize why this program took on such significance for me until we presented the pilot program in Newport, RI. In the opening introductions I realized I now had my chance to redeem myself, to serve my country and to heal my wound.

I would like to take this time to personally thank 6 Seconds and our team, and most of all the near-900 chaplains around the globe who invited me in and allowed me to share my story with them. We helped each other in ways that were much deeper and more important than how to become an effective agent for change and transformation. Every day they heal psychological and spiritual wounds and I’m very thankful to be one of the many they have touched.

I invite you to read the case study of this project. It’s an excellent description and demonstration of how emotional intelligence can be applied to help organizations and change agents effectively implement and steward change and organizational transformation.

Resources:
Military chaplain: Marines in Iraq look to pastor for answers to tough questions, Christian Science Monitor Article
Ministering to Soldiers, and Facing Their Struggles, NYTimes Article
EQ: Case Study, 6Seconds

I’m sure you’ve heard the expression, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” Since I enjoy and dabble in photography, I tend to agree with it. However, there are times when words can make all the difference. This is especially true in the workplace, where the words used by management have the tendency to snake through the office and then settle, over time creating an intricate picture of the health of an organization and its employees.

“If you believe it, you’ll see it.”

The first time I heard this nugget of wisdom was from Dewitt Jones in his film, Celebrate What’s Right with the World. At the time I thought it was a neat concept, but really didn’t believe it would have much impact on how one would choose to interact with one’s world. That was in 2003 and today, I must admit, these seven words do make a difference. They make a difference in my life, and everyday I see how they impact the lives of many others – particularly in a person’s willingness to change and take risks despite evidence that a current venture may not be working.

The alternative view is: “If I see it, I’ll believe it.”

The same seven words, but the order makes all the difference. And depending upon which order you subscribe to, it will impact your life and the lives of others in significant ways. For instance, I recently had the opportunity to encounter and observe how dramatic a difference these two views can have on one’s power of influence and leadership when trying to improve employee performance and engagement.

I’m currently assisting two different organizations in improving their workforce engagement and performance. Phase one of the project involves extensive interviews with management staff and employees to get firsthand feedback on what issues are affecting performance and engagement, and to listen to input on what could be done from their perspective to address these issues and concerns. The goal in both organizations is to address specific factors that are negatively impacting organizational climate in regard to employee engagement and performance. The vision at both organizations is to create a culture of engagement and performance that will sustain itself and withstand the foreseen and unforeseen challenges of the 21st century.

The CEOs of these two organizations are very bright and experienced individuals. These attributes, along with their extensive expertise in the technical aspects of their industry, helped them rise to the top levels of their organizations. If you were to review their resumes you wouldn’t notice any significant differences; both on paper are highly qualified. And both are sincere about wanting to succeed in achieving their goals and vision. The differences begin to emerge as you interact with them and begin to notice their particular view or philosophy on motivation, work and change.

One of the organizations has a history of workforce disengagement, which is documented in employee surveys and in operational metrics such as turnover,  accidents and injuries and sick time utilization. During the employee interviews many employees used the phase, “I don’t think the leadership of this organization cares about us.” Others would identify specific areas such as not caring about our safety or developing our skills.  One person stated, “They say they care, but their actions say the opposite.”

In the debrief session with the leadership team, one manager commented, “We are a group that is very driven by data and we don’t see any evidence that this workforce cares or wants to improve.”  

After the debrief meeting we reviewed a philosophy and approach that attacks the causes of disengagement and performance. Much of it is based on Edward Deci and Richard Ryan’s research and work in Self-Determination Theory; the work of Paul Marciano in Carrots and Sticks Don’t Work: Build a Culture of Employee Engagement with the Principles of RESPECT; and Winning With A Culture of Recognition by Eric Mosley and Derek Irvine. One core element of each of these models and approaches, which research supports a positive return on investment, is the use and implementation of appreciation and strategic recognition initiatives. After the review, one of the managers said, “I’ll believe it, when I see it.” Rich the CEO followed that comment with, “There’s been very little that we can appreciate and recognize about this group.”

The other organization had a history of what one employee described as a tyrannical approach to leading and employee engagement. A comment that was attributed to the former leader was, “If your employees like you, than you’re not a good manager.” For the last few years the organization has been under new leadership and has seen a rise in all the metrics and indicators that something positive has taken hold.

During our interview with Ron the CEO, he commented, “The tone of this organization starts at the top. If I model the behaviors I want from my employees, they will respond in kind. If I show them I care about their safety, they will care. If I set high expectations for myself, than they will also accept and deliver on the expectation we set for them.”

One employee made the following comment, “Everyday Ron tells me he cares about me.” Literally this is not a true statement. This employee works the second shift and in reality only sees Ron on his “walk-abouts” and at employee meetings. How could he make the claim that Ron tells him everyday that he cares about him? Part of the answer is the power of, “When I believe it, I’ll see it.” Ron has influenced his employees through his words and actions that he believes in them and they respond reciprocally. Because he believes Ron cares, he hears Ron everyday telling him that he cares.

When we reviewed our program, and in particular the initiatives on appreciation and strategic recognition, Ron’s response was, “I can do a lot better job in this area. When can we get started?”

The difference is in the order of the seven words. Rich and his team believe that “When they see it, they’ll believe it,” which shifts the burden of accountability, risk and change on to the employees. The attitude of the employees is, “Why should we change?” Both the leadership team and the employees have adopted the same philosophy: “When I see it, I’ll believe it.”

Ron’s belief is that if he models the behavior he wants, he’ll see it in his team and employees. He believes that people want to be engaged and want to perform; “I just have to give them the reasons and permission to do it.” Ron stated in our first interview, “The tone is set from the top.” He accepts full responsibility. He doesn’t shift the responsibility to his employees to prove to him that they deserve his respect.

What Ron gets in return is what Rich and his team wants! If Rich and his team would be courageous enough to change the order of those seven words and take the risk of putting that belief into action, the road to achieving an engaged workforce would have fewer potholes.

Resources:
Carrots and Sticks Don't Work, Paul Marciano
Why We Do What We Do, Edward Deci
Winning with a Culture of Recognition, E. Mosley and D. Irvine

"Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be." George Sheehan, MD

The preceding quote from George Sheehan MD, a person who inspired me, and thousands of other runners, to achieve our best, also planted the seed that maybe if I trained hard enough I could qualify for the Boston Marathon. I still can feel the exhilaration on seeing the finishing clock as I crossed the line at the Marine Corps Marathon; I knew I had qualified for the 1982 Boston Marathon. I was beyond excited; Boston was the pinnacle of marathons in the 60’s thru the 80’s and I had achieved the right to be at the starting line with number 3451. My emotions were about to intensify even more; approximately a mile into the marathon I noticed Sheehan just ahead of me. I had no doubt that it was him: I had seen him run in a number of films and read his book, Running and Being, all of which had motivated me to start running.   

Sheehan’s running style was unique, but his breathing style was unmistakable. Huff and puff is a mild description of the steam engine locomotive sound he made as he ran. My recollection is that he was in his 70’s and I was 35 and I was soon to pass him. I thought for a moment, should I say something to him as I pass? When I pulled along side, I looked over and he looked back. I said, “Dr. Sheehan thank you, if it were not for you I would not be here today.” He smiled and wished me the best.  I felt blessed by a sage who had been to the top of Mt. Olympus, and for a fleeting moment I thought I might just win this race! However, Alberto Salazar had other plans and a stronger finishing kick, beating me by a mere 52 minutes! Alberto broke a record that day, and I finished. He was determined and courageous and beat a rival by a mere 2 seconds, but he was no more determined and courageous than 5,000 thousand other runners that day, including yours truly.

I also remember the day before the race. I was having breakfast at the hotel with a best friend and we started up a conversation with a guy sitting next to us. He said he lived for marathon day. He went on to say that 363 days of the year he’s a mailman, but on this one day he feels special, successful and the crowds treated him, as they do all the runners, as a hero.  

Isn’t this at the heart of George’s wisdom? “Success in life is the determination and courage to be whom you are meant to be.” In the mailman’s case it meant not only to be a marathon runner on this one day of the year, but to be a man who delivers birthday cards to other people’s three-year-old grandkids in every condition nature can throw at him.

George Sheehan was a cardiologist. No doubt he repaired and saved many hearts. But George was meant to be a teacher; not the kind of teacher who stuffs you full of information, but in the true sense of the Latin word educere, he was able to bring forth the best in you. In his role as teacher, philosopher and runner he opened and touched the hearts and minds of thousands and helped to prevent the very disease he was trained to treat.

 I started running about the same time I assumed my first CEO position. I wasn’t sure if I was meant to be a leader and I knew I was never going to be a professional runner. However, running helped me discover what kind of leader I was meant to be.  Running helped me experience a deeper and more intense level of determination and how to summon the courage to push through adversity and complete the goals I had set for myself. I also learned that there were aspects of leading that I was just not going to be good at.

What I came to understand is that, like George, I was meant to be a leader who enjoyed creating organizations where Educere became the operating philosophy. Much later I learned that my core strengths include a love of learning, creativity and curiosity, which affirmed why I felt most comfortable, passionate and challenged in pursuing this brand and embracing this particular style of leadership.

DeWitt Jones, in his film, Celebrate What’s Right With the World, offers a similar message and worldview. Finding out who you are and being able to see and celebrate abundance is a formula not just for success but also for significance. So don’t burden yourself with what you are not – Celebrate What’s Right For You.  Celebrate the leader you are meant to be. When you do this, the people you serve will thrive also.  

Tips to “Being” a Successful Leader:

Have an open and flexible mind: Rekindle the curiosity and drive you had as a child to explore, understand and learn.

Become intimately connected with your strengths, and celebrate them by using them as often as you can. (See Resource below)

Let others contribute their strengths; a team is the sum of its individual strengths and so is a leader.

Celebrate, Celebrate, Celebrate: We devote an enormous amount of time and energy to dissecting our weaknesses and failures, and so little time celebrating what’s right.

Don’t let yourself get stuck in a rut: Every day, find something that gives you relief, fun, health and inspiration.  Run, paint, write, sing, play music, dance, read non-fiction, play with your kids like you are one of them.

Resource: Log on to the Authentic Happiness Web Site and register to take the VIA Survey of Character Strengths

“I will take it! I will take the ring to Mordor. Though I do not know the way.” These words of authenticity, spoken from the heart as well as the head, came from an unexpected and unlikely source; they were the words of the Hobbit Frodo. His words of courage and vulnerability broke through the clamor of egos and refocuses attention on the true purpose for the gathering: what must be done with the all-powerful ring and who will lead us in this quest.  

I couldn’t help seeing this scene in my mind as I was reading a Harvard Business Review blog post by Linda Hill and Kent Lineback titled, The Words Many Managers Are Afraid To Say.  In this scene from the film, Fellowship of the Ring, a fictional group of men with positional power and important titles, such as king, are swinging and clashing their verbal swords over whose point of view is correct. They are so blinded by power and ego they are unable to implement one of the most important tenets of leadership: creating a way for people to contribute toward making something extraordinary happen.

In Hill and Lineback’s blog they ask, “When was the last time you said words like these to the people who work for you?”

“I don’t know.”
“I was wrong.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Would you help me?”
“What do you think?”
“What would you do?”
“Could you explain this to me? I’m not sure I get it.”

Why are leaders so reluctant to say these words of influence and power? Why are we afraid of these words, not just from a leadership perspective, but also in all of our relationships? We expect our Hobbits, “little people”, to say them, but as we mature and become adults and leaders we tremble at the thought that they might escape our lips for fear that we may be perceived as vulnerable, incapable, or not smart enough to do our job.

We know how powerful the emotion of fear is. What if in a paradoxical way, fear actually makes us more powerful? Think about it from this perspective. If I overcome my egos’ fear of being perceived as vulnerable, might other people recognize this and see me as being brave and authentic instead of weak?

Frodo stands up and accepts the mantle of leadership when he says, “I will take the ring.” But by adding, “though I don’t know the way,” he creates the opportunity for everyone else to contribute to something extraordinary! It is at that courageous moment that he is offered the talents, skills and commitments from all the others to form the Fellowship of the Ring.

The 2011 Survey of Employee Engagement, by BlessingWhite, highlights the desire of employees to know the person behind the title. “Managers are not necessarily doing the things that matter most. The actions that correlate the most with high engagement are not always the ones that receive the most favorable ratings. And in some geographic regions relationships trump skills, that is, employees’ knowledge of their managers as ‘people’ behind their titles appears to impact engagement levels more than manager’s actions.”

After debriefing this scene in my workshops, I ask each person to reflect on the Frodo who lives inside each of us. He is our authentic self. He is brave and vulnerable.  If we can calm our egos’ fear and allow ourselves to trust our authentic self to be present in our relationships we will be stronger, more influential and better leaders. I believe that many of us have lost touch with our inner Frodo. Perhaps if the words and sentences listed by Hill and Lineback are not part of who you are, then you are not fully ready to pursue the leadership journey.

The speed and competitiveness of business in the 21st century requires your engines of productivity to be tuned and fueled.

Workforce engagement continues to be a topic of debate within some organizations, while for others it has become an accepted and critical business metric. The Gallup Organization introduced the concept and brought attention to the potential impact that engagement can have on business results, but for many hard-nosed, analytical executives who are lacking the numbers or ROI, it remains one of those “soft and fuzzy” areas. A word of caution to the hard nosed; don’t try to merge onto the super highways of the 21st century with less than 50% of the power you need.

In the 2010 Survey of Workforce Engagement by BlessingWhite, engagement levels around the world remained stable, which in my opinion is not a positive indicator because it means that 67% of the workforces of North American companies are disengaged. Think about that number for a moment!  For me that translates into only a small minority of employees making the level of effort and contribution you need for your company to be competitive and successful! My friend and colleague, Carl Crothers made the following analogy in a recent workshop: “Imagine you have an 8, 6 or 4 cylinder automobile and you’re about to merge onto an interstate. You step on the accelerator expecting a burst of energy to get you safely into the flow of traffic, but the response you get is less than 50% of the power and energy you expected and needed.”  This is an unfortunate reality for all types of organizations in North America; they’re running on less than 50% of the performance energy available because their individual human engines (Hearts and Minds) are disengaged. Talk about inefficiency, waste and lost opportunity. Hard nosed or not I think the picture is clear: if you’re not addressing workforce engagement you’re losing money and jeopardizing your competitiveness.

Dan Pink, author of Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us wrote in a recent blog that the smallest unit of productivity is the individual. He questions how organizations will tap into that powerhouse, and goes on to say that “people are thirsting for context and purpose and as a leader one of the most powerful things you can do is provide that context.” This is the heart and art of engagement.

Leadership is also addressed in the BlessingWhite survey. They emphasize that it is imperative that leaders align employee values, goals, and aspirations with those of the organization. It is through this alignment that organizations will achieve sustainable employee engagement, which will allow both to thrive:

Engaged employees are not just committed. They are not just passionate or proud. They have a line-of-sight on their own future and on the organization’s mission and goals. They are enthused and in gear, using their talents and discretionary effort to make a difference in their employer’s quest for sustainable business success.

In other words, don’t try to drive your business on the super highways of the 21st. century if your employees and organization are not operating on all cylinders! 

The report also highlights the following recommendations:

* Measure less while acting more
* Pay attention to culture
* Managers are key leverage points in the engagement process

In addition the report puts managers and CEO’s on notice that they must accept that they have a huge impact on developing and sustaining workforce engagement. Of course it’s a two way street; employees also have a responsibility for their engagement, but it won’t happen without leaders being actively engaged. Employees are looking for more than business competence, they want their leaders to be interpersonally and relationally competent. They want to trust in your abilities and character – and to understand your personal motivations. They want to see passion and commitment and most of all they want and need to have trust: trust that you will do the right thing.

 A word of advice to those who are still not convinced of the benefits of an engaged workforce, “More employees are looking for new opportunities than they were in 2008, suggesting that 2011 will be a challenging year for retention (and a hot market for firms looking to attract top talent).” This finding from the Employee Engagement Report is a like sign in your competitor’s windows, Talented Drivers Wanted. Do you want to take the chance of losing key employees you need to drive your business? If not, you might want to consider focusing on workforce engagement.

One more word about engagement; it’s not about giving away the store. It’s not about more benefits, bonuses and rewards. It’s about tapping into and building intrinsic motivation – its there and waiting to be engaged.

The Renewal Group’s Relationship – Centered Leadership® programs help managers and leaders discover, develop and deploy the interpersonal and organizational fuel to energize the engines of your future. As one recent participant said, “I now know what leadership is, what is required of me and that I want to be a leader.”

Can you remember the last time you felt guilty? What was it like – did it move you to do something? Most likely it did; guilt is a powerful  emotion! You might have felt guilty about breaking your commitment to a diet by eating a piece of chocolate cake or because you completely forgot about a lunch date with a friend.  We’ve also witnessed the emotion on display in the public apologies we’ve heard from leaders who have broken a trust.  Common wisdom views guilt as a negative emotion because we experience it when our behavior causes others to feel discomfort or pain.  That is why we adopt various coping mechanisms to relieve ourselves of the feeling. Denial: “I did nothing wrong.” Projection: “It’s his fault I behaved so badly.” And a lack of emotional and social intelligence can conspire in minimizing and blinding us to the critical learning that it is designed to provide. Guilt is a chemical messenger on a mission to let you know that you may have crossed a boundary. Don’t shoot the messenger!

 I recently read two articles with two very different perspectives on guilt. In the Week in Review section of the New York Times on January 2, 2011 the feature headline read, “It’s the day after New Year’s – broken your resolution yet? No guilt necessary.”  The message is that guilt is an emotion to be avoided and there are things you can do to avoid this uncomfortable feeling. The second article was in the January issue of Harvard Business Review, Guilt-Ridden People Make Great Leaders. The article reviews research which shows that guilt has a positive correlation with leaders’ performance and perceived capability. “People who are prone to guilt tend to work harder and perform better than people who are not guilt-prone, and are perceived to be more capable leaders.”

Is it possible then that guilt is neither a negative nor a positive emotion, but rather, serves a higher purpose, to help you become a better person?

The research project, headed by Francis Flynn PhD, and conducted at a Fortune 500 firm, found that people who are prone to guilt received higher performance ratings from their bosses. Related studies found that this characteristic was associated with higher levels of organizational commitment and peers’ perception that these individuals were stronger leaders.

In fact, Flynn’s work indicates that, “employees who have guilty tendencies could be the best thing that ever happened to your organization.”

Guilt prone individuals are more likely to be:

* Harder Workers
* Better Leaders
* More Altruistic and willing to help others
* Higher Performers
* More committed to their employers
* Able to see the big picture

When I read this study I couldn’t help but think about the recent financial debacle, and although it would be unfair to paint all the wizards of Wall Street with the same brush, it would appear they could use a few more leaders with a conscience.  I also reflected on the recent push by some business schools to have students sign an ethics pledge, which was not met with great enthusiasm. I recall one student quoted who said that he felt insulted by the request. Yet we know that the more the financial stakes increase, the more likely that guilt and ethics will take a secondary position.

Emotional and Social Intelligence: Guilt and Empathy

“Even more complex social emotions like shame, embarrassment, guilt and pride are attached to mirror neuron system found in the insula of the brain.”

                                     ~   Jeremy Rifkin, The Empathic Civilization

By the age of four or five children understand social expectations and are capable of experiencing a sense of guilt from hurting another child. This maturation process is critical in the development of empathy. By the ages of ten to twelve children can think abstractly and their sense of guilt is also abstracted. It is at this age that they internalize a sense of social guilt and anguish over failures to live up to moral standards of society.  What we know is that human beings are wired to have the emotional and social capacity to experience a full range of feelings, which is meant to help us survive and to live socially, morally and ethically.  The responsibility of parents, leaders, citizens and institutions is to assist in this development and to promote social and business expectations and standards that inspire us to reach our human potential; and to not encourage the philosophy popularized by Gordon Gekko in the movie Wall Street, “…greed, for the lack of a better word, is good.”

 It seems to me that we are witnessing an increase of denial, projection and suppression of the two emotions that are meant to keep our social and moral compass pointed in the right direction and to keep us connected  - guilt and empathy. We see examples of this not only in the business arena, but also in the social relationships of our youth. Almost weekly I see stories of bullying taking place in the halls of our schools and on the Internet with some resulting in tragic outcomes.

My deep concern is that we are in a cycle of polarization and isolation, which blocks the development of our emotional and social intelligence as well as our ability to feel and learn from guilt and express empathy. In the January/February issue of The Atlantic, in an article titled, The Rise of The New Global Elite, author Chrystia Freeland describes the growing divide between the wealthy elite and the rest of the world’s population. The following quote from the article shows the dangers of how isolation disconnects and inhibits one’s facility to feel guilt, take appropriate responsibility and to express empathy. “When I asked one of Wall Street’s most successful investment-bank CEOs if he felt guilty for his firm’s role in creating the financial crisis, he told me with evident sincerity that he did not. The real culprit, he explained, was his feckless cousin, who owned three cars and a home he could not afford.”

Fortunately, our brains don’t lose their capacity to experience these vital emotions. However, we must be cautious, very cautious that we don’t create the circumstances in which our isolation and polarization become immense gulfs, and that our brains perceive that the pain to bridge these gulfs would be so harsh that we choose to use projection and denial to protect ourselves from feeling our guilt and therefore our ability to empathize.

One way for leaders and organizations to create healthy and productive workplaces is to focus on the development of emotional and social intelligence and to make sure that moral and ethical behavior is expected and recognized. And you might want to consider asking two questions, “When was the last time I allowed myself to feel guilt and what did I do about it,?” and when considering someone for a promotion or a new hire, “Tell me, when was the last time you felt guilty about something and what did you do about it?”